I recently read a powerful quote by marriage therapist; Caleb Simonyi-Gindele, regarding widows remarrying. He stated, “Remarriage shouldn’t be a reaction to loneliness but should signal coming to terms with the loss and being ready to move on.” I could not agree more.
About six months after becoming a widow I began to get questions regarding dating. A 36-year-old widow is not the norm considering the average age of widowhood in the United States is 59.
I have been fascinated by people’s curiosity into my love life. It is an entire case study lol
Even my former mother-in-law told me flat out “you will find another man, Jeannita,” shortly after my late husband’s death. I have had friends with good intentions state “I’ll give you 2-3 years and you will be remarried.” I’ve ran into people that I haven’t seen in months or even years and I have caught them glancing down at my left hand to see if somebody put a ring on it.
It has been over 3 years and I am not remarried; however, I have dated and been in a relationship. The irony is that the subject of marriage is what ended that serious relationship. Surprisingly, he wanted marriage and I wasn’t ready. So long story short….....I could have been married if that’s what I really wanted.
The truth is that being with me comes with its own set of challenges. My children do not have a father. They do not get to see their dad on weekends or holidays as a part of a custody agreement. They only get to see him at his gravesite. Any husband of mine would be their father. That’s first things first.
Secondly, I’ve gotten used to being single and I actually like it. Although I take pride in being an extremely feminine woman, it’s almost as if my mental state mirrors most men. Meaning….I want my cake and eat it too. To be clear, I would have no problem going back to being a wife, however, I am content with where I am now. This fact has been problematic with the men I’ve encountered.
Third, trust is a huge factor for me. This goes way beyond infidelity. A man that keeps his word is a must. My late husband promised my late father that he would always take care of me. He said he would always love and protect me. When he broke that promise in 2017, he broke my heart and my trust of men. As soon as a man doesn’t keep his word I leave. It can be something as minor as a dinner date. My thought process is “if he can’t keep his word on the minor things, he certainly cannot keep his word on things that really matter.” This mindset does not reflect an unhealed heart. It is actually quite the contrary, as God tells us to guard our hearts. A man has to show me through his actions that he can be trusted. This comes only with time and consistent effort.
Speaking of effort…. I am deeply disturbed by online dating. I have never tried it, but the mere thought of shopping for human beings is very troubling. Again, I am only speaking for myself, as I realize many people have found their soulmate online. I realize that this is the 21st century and times have indeed changed; however, online dating and social media have eliminated a man’s need to properly pursue a woman. What gives me the most unrest is the fact that women have made it easy for men. Quite frankly, with the plethora of asses being shown online men have no incentive to be serious with just one woman.
Has texting replaced talking? Has Netflix replaced date nights? Has sending a dm replaced real effort? Are men really taking more selfies than women for the gram? If these are the new norms I would much rather remain single. It is for these same reasons that the men I date usually don’t have personal social media accounts. The only social media they have is for their businesses. The men I am attracted to are too busy promoting their businesses to take selfies with duck lips or post meals.
Anywhoo….God will have to work on me if I am wrong about my perspective! Lol! Yes, I am open to remarriage, but I am doing just fine with the male friends in my life. As Mr. Gindele advises, I am ready to move on but if I ever get remarried it will not be for the sake of having a man. I am not sure what the future holds, but I know that when the time is right everything will fall in place with the right man…… Preferably a man that is over 6 feet, a good father, a homeowner, has good credit, is business savvy, and nvm…. Bye! Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SEVENTY TWO AUTHORS SNAG THE FIREBIRD BOOK AWARDS
January 2021 – Speak Up Talk Radio announced the winners of 2020’s fourth quarter FIREBIRD BOOK AWARDS contest. Seventy-two winners were announced in 87 categories.
One of the winning entries was from Dr. Jeannita Bussle whose book titled Sorrow to Shero: Pain, Power, and Peace won in the grief category.
Authors and publishers from around the world submitted their work to the Firebird Book Awards. A panel of 12 judges within the writing and publishing space then read every book and independently scored each entry according to a set of standardized criteria that evaluates the quality of the writing as well as production aspects. Only entries with the highest of scores are awarded the coveted Firebird.
Patricia J. Rullo, founder of the Firebird Book Awards, says, “The quality of the entries were stunning and speak to the talent out there that needs a marketing voice. At Speak Up Talk Radio, our mission is to offer radio interviews and podcasting services to help authors expand their reach. In addition to additional prizes, our winners have the opportunity to be interviewed and aired on radio stations, iHeart Radio, Pandora, as well as 50 additional online venues, giving them new ways to speak up and share their work.”
Pat adds, “We’ve included a charitable component to our awards by making all entry fees tax-deductible to the author. In return, we personally make and send handmade fun and whimsical pillowcases to women and children in homeless shelters via Enchanted Makeovers, a 501(c)3 tax-exempt organization. All entry fees fund this project. In this way, authors can get notoriety for their work while doing good for others. It’s been such a rewarding venture for everyone.”
The Firebird Book Awards run quarterly contests so authors can receive recognition on a timely basis. Authors from all genres, mainstream, independent, and self-published are welcome. Additional winning authors and titles as well as entry information is available at https://www.speakuptalkradio.com
I have done a lot of living in 40 years. From marriage, motherhood, watching my father take his last breath, and widowhood. Earning 4 degrees. Writing 2 books. Heartbreak, depression, triumph, betrayal, abuse, love, and trauma. What I realize is God has kept me. HE is always here. HE never leaves. HE was with me all along. HE never changes. Make sure to keep HIM at the center of everything!
Love and light,
The State of Education During Covid-19! I am Honored to Interview Dr. Charlotte Ford and Dr. Winnifred Goodman. :)
Nishani Grigsby, MA, LPC-S
Mrs. Keisha Carpenter-Ricks
#protectblackwomen...A truthful and much needed conversation with my dear sister/friend Ayanna McKinley.
Sorrow to Shero: Pain, Power, and Peaceby Literary Titan
Sorrow to Shero: Pain, Power, and Peace takes its title from Dr. Jeannita Bussle’s unofficial moniker for her struggles and eventual recovery from her former husband’s undiagnosed mental illness and his subsequently abusive nature. Despite the normalcy of the opening of the book, the backdrop of Bussle’s childhood and her adolescent experiences in Detroit, it's clear that she’s struggled with exceptional challenges, and lives with the effects of their underlying trauma. The pain in Bussle’s story never tips over into despair or hopelessness, and Sorrow to Shero is a tale that treats serious mental illness and episodes of domestic abuse with vulnerability and honesty. It’s an assured debut, and a memoir that already means a great deal to many people.
Bussle demonstrates real skill in bringing to life her world for the reader; vibrant in details, with her past and present delicately balanced against the backdrop of her faith and love for her children. Survivors of trauma and those that struggle with mental illness will find comfort in Bussle’s words, and how she’s been able to anchor the worst moments and events of her life firmly in her past. Bussle remains firmly in control of the narration of the events of the book - so complete, and so flawless in her perspective of the past, that it’s clear that her story is meant to be one of empowerment for other women who may find themselves in a similar situation. This is Bussle’s true achievement - a book about abuse and recovery, that captures the experience of it, with remarkable nuance and candor, without skipping over the ambiguities and the hardship. At the same time, Sorrow to Shero: Pain, Power, and Peace is also about motherhood and the deep bond between a mother and her children. Bussle describes herself, more than anything else as a proud mother, and this is instrumental in her ability to better her life for both herself and her children. The role of motherhood and the value of close family relationships is movingly explored throughout the book, there’s no doubting the integrity of her experience as a parent. Despite Bussle’s credentials, it should be made clear that her book is not the equivalent of a university professor addressing a packed lecture hall. This makes it both effortlessly readable, and highly personal. It’s a book that abuse survivors are likely to find in some senses recognisable, whereas the casual reader may find themselves mentally filing away ideas and terminology to dig into further at a later point for a greater level of understanding. Sorrow to Shero is a captivating and emotional memoir that explores some the things that break us and make us as people.
Pages: 133 | ASIN: B08CRY2FD4